While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work. If one partner has decided to back away, they must also decide to move back in again or there is little that can be done.
It is important that both of you find out for yourself if the flame still burns for each other without the help or influence of the other, and typically the flame doesnt die very quickly. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.
Make a list of the good and bad about the relationship if you need to. Take some time and think about this, maybe even at more than one sitting.
Step 2 Accepting the Breakup
If youve decided that the relationship IS worth saving, you need to allow yourself to accept where you currently stand, split up and apart. I know youre hurting right now, but this will help you to understand that there were issues that led to your breakup, and those issues need to be addressed, but not just yet.
Right now you just need to accept the breakup and let it sink in. By doing so, you will be moving closer to understanding how to save a relationship.
Step 3 Gaining Your Compose
When youve accepted the way things currently stand between the two of you, it becomes more real and the emotions will most likely start to overwhelm you. You will need to gather up all the strength from every corner of your body to help you compose yourself.
You will need to constantly battle the emotions for composure throughout the day as every little thing seems to remind you of your ex, but it will come. This step is tough to get through, but it is extremely necessary. Practice makes perfect. Youll need this composure to help you get through this time and take the next two steps.
Step 4 Cutting Off Contact
Are you ready? Now is where you have to push yourself to go against everything that your body and brain are telling you to do. You want to call your ex and let them know everything youre thinking. That you can see things differently now and you know the relationship is worth saving.
Understand, youre not quite done with knowing how to save a relationship. To get there you now need to allow yourself to agree with the breakup and cut off contact with your ex. I know this step is hard to rationalize right now, but any conversations you have now will most likely not be helpful. It is still too easy to play the blame game and this will only make matters worse.
By stopping contact you can achieve 2 things: you will allow your ex to miss you and feel the same loss of the relationship that you feel; and provide yourself the opportunity to actually think about what the problems were and how to save the relationship.
Step 5 Pinpoint Problems
Now you are with your own thoughts. Remember to keep the composure you worked on in step 3, it will help you see things more clearly now to find how to save your relationship. This is where you pinpoint the core problem or problems that your relationship had. To get to the core problem(s) you need to look past the symptoms.
For instance, many people think that an affair is a problem that causes breakups. In reality, the affair is a symptom of a deeper core problem such as lack of intimacy, or lack of attention. The partner is looking elsewhere for what they arent getting from the relationship. Understanding this and dealing with the lack of intimacy is the core issue that needs to be dealt with in this example.
Take some time and think about YOUR relationship.
When you start to deal with the core problems rather than the symptoms, you will start to understand what needs to be fixed and how to save your relationship.
Ive been where you are now, going through a breakup and wanting to get back together with an ex. Ive made all the mistakes, and found out how to approach things in the correct way in order to help myself. Now Id like to help you because I know how great things turned out for me by following through on these tips.
I can give you pointers in the right direction, but always remember that each tip is really part of an entire strategy that needs to be used if you truly intend to be successful. Maybe youve already learned as I did that you cant just do 1 thing and have everything fall into place as wed like it to.